Happiness In Slavery

[Lady Violet]

I look at him with compassion.

"I don't hate you and you certainly don't annoy me. I am flattered by how you feel. I want you to be happy and have your love reciprocated, which is why I said that you are better off with Rayven. I don't remember the last time I told someone that I loved them and truly meant it. You have to understand, I use men. I would only use you."

[Kelthassil]

I make no threatening gestures but I am ever ready to draw out my blades and attack.

[Damascus]

"Have you already used me? Have you? Have you already used me to get something, made me do something, something that you wanted, something you needed. Was I ever an excuse for you to go and sleep with someone? Didn't think anyone knew about that? Lots do know, most of them guess about it though. You do that, I didn't know about that, I didn't believe that, I didn't want to believe it. But it's true isn't it, you sleep with random men who you think are attractive, men who peek your interest, your curiousity? Is that what you do?!" He shouts, eyes closed, as if to shut out the thoughts he didn't want to think, thought he oculdn't stop himself from thinking.
Head down, hands on the back of his head, he shouted words he didn't mean, words that might hurt, words that could make her hate him. He didn't want this! He didn't want any of this! He wanted to run away, hide, shut out the world and forget it all. But he couldn't he wouldn't! Not this time, not again, not ever again!
"You do, I know you do! I don't want to know you do, but you still do!" He said, still shouting. Standing now, poitning an accusatory finger at Violet. He didn't mean any of it, he didn't! But he couldn't stop the deluge of words, of thoughts and images.

[Lady Violet]

I close my eyes. I am not ashamed of my actions. I am a single woman. My actions are no different than many women my own age. My power makes it a little worse.

"I never used you. In fact, I have done my best not to. But what you say is true, I sleep with men who I find attractive or interesting. My job is stressful and it helps me to unwind.
Those who I have slept with know what they are getting into. They know full well that I don't love them. And yet, they do it anyway. If I wanted, I could have most any man in the party, but I choose not to. I try my best not to abuse my power..."

I open my eyes and look at Damascus. I know that nothing I say will comfort him, so long as I speak the truth. And not all men are just being used. I think that Trotsky and Lin Sat would be exempt from that, since they surpass me in power or experience.

[Damascus]

Damascus' arm lowers slowly, his head bowed and both hands loosely hanging at his sides.
"I don't want to believe it. I don't to, I don't want to. I wouldn't believe it , I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't . . ." He says, muttering loudly, his voice a thoussand miles away. He falls to his knees, staring at Violet, staring through Violet. He falls forward, catching himself on his hands.
"I can't, I can't, it's not true . . . it's not true . . ." He continues to mutter, his hand tightening into fists.
"ITS NOT TRUE! GOD . . . SOMEONE, ANYONE! DAMMIT!" He says, smashing his fist against the floor repeatedly.
This continues for little over 30 seconds, with Damascus lying on the floor, tears ever flowing down his face.
"Why?" He says at last, his voice thick from sadness. "It doesn't make any sence to me. I've done the same thing, the exact same thing to countless women . . . Why does this hurt? I've done it, your right its not that big of a deal . . . but it hurts, so much." He whimpers the last sentence.
Make it all stop, please, someone make it stop, he was so tired of this. He'd lived for too long, experienced to much, for this one little thing to do this to him. He was so tired of life this way. He wanted it to stop, to end finally, for good or worse, he wanted it to stop now.

[Lady Violet]

I get up from my desk and look at him with a mixture of confusion and concern. I don't understand. If he cares about me, I have done everything I could not to use or hurt him, yet he seems very upset about the things I have done.

"I'm sorry. I don't understand...I live life differently than most people. I think and feel differently than many people. I don't understand..."

I shake my head and walk towards him.

"What do you want from me? What is it that bothers you the most?"

[Damascus]

He began to laugh. Histarical laughter. He felt empty, he didn't know why he felt so much pain, he didn't know why he felt anything anymore.
"I came to ask the questions, now look at me, a wreck, on the ground and cry my eyes out over the truth that I've suspected, known all along. You ask me what bothers me, and I can't even begin to answer you." He laughed, getting to his feet.
He looked at her for a minute, a slightly crazed smile on his face. Then he moved suddenly toward her, putting his hands on her shoulders and laughing, not quite as crazily, more sorrow-riden than crazed.
"I don't know, I don't know. Its funny, when I do this same thing, I face it and look back at a good thing. When I think you do it, I get sad, when I hear it straight from your lips, that you sleep around, and that it doesn't bother you at all, I don't know why, but it hurts me." He said, still looking at the ground, but his grip tightens on her shoulders.
"What I want? What I want? You have to ask me that, after all these times after I've subtly and not so subtly hinted at for the past months at what I really truly think that I want form you and you have to ask me now?" He looks her in the eyes and smiles. "I've always wanted to give you a hug, give you a kiss, do with you what you do with those other men. I knew it wouldn't mean anything to either of us, and that made me not want to do it. It was the first time I ever cared whether it mattered to me if I had my way with someone, if that someone would care. I guess what bothers me is that you were the first person I ever worried about hurting if I had my way with you. I've hurt people by sleeping with them, but that didn't matter to me, it was just about the good feelings." He smiles, beams, warmly at Violet.
"What bothers me is that you were the first person I ever wanted to be truly happy. It doesn't bother me, so much as it intrigues me. I think that what as been nagging at me is that you were, and still are, the first person I ever really loved in my long life."
He could lean in to kiss her right then, but he said not to himself. He wouldn't do it if it meant nothing!

[Lady Violet]

I have done my best to remain cool and explain things the best that I can. I didn't mean to hurt Damascus. In a way he reminds me of Kith. But I never saw Kith breakdown and act with such intense emotion. I am not heartless, I just....don't love one person. Even if I could, it would only make my life harder since I have to always put the party first. That could be one of the many reasons that I never have loved just one person.

I slap his face.

"Snap out of it. You don't want me to use you. It would only cause you more pain or conflict. I am sorry that I haven't taken advantage of you like all of the other men that are infatuated with me. Maybe if you hang around long enough I will out of frustration. I am happy to be your friend. I am comfortable with that. I think...I need to leave now..."

I pull away and put on my jacket.

"Not everything you want is good for you."

[Damascus]

She slaps him and all he can think is that his face hurt. Then she backed away and he dropped his hands. Logic and reality were the most painful things in life. He tried to recover himself.
"Yes yes of course. I've been an idiot this whole time. I haven't been listening to a word you've said, I only heard what I wanted to hear." He said, smiling to himself and looking at nothing. Then he seems to snap back to reality and looks at Violet.
"M'lady." He says, bowing himself out of the room.
Maybe, she really did care about him more than just being a friend if she didn't want to use him. Maybe he was just too d**n dense, but it was a thought that he could cling to for hope and joy. He had been so much of an idiot to Violet, he'd caused so much confusion and thought to much about things that he shouldn't concern himself with. Best to just move on with things, stop thinking about the things he couldn't change. But someone save him he wanted Violet. He couldn't stop that train of thoughts, but he could control his bodily actions. Time to go back to waiting for the world to move ahead. He began the walk back to the guesthouse.
((Goodnight Red Infinity, sleep tight.))

[Lady Violet]

Reality seems to hit him, and I feel very relieved. I teleport to my home and decide that a long and hot shower is an order. I feel tired and stressed. I also feel guilty and angry.

I enter my shower and stand in the near scalding water for a long time. It feels good. Solitude and a warm shower also help with stress. Often times a lot better than any man.

[Andrew Kasher]

((I don't care if you don't like me. I care when you don't follow the rules.))

The blast hits the barrier that one of the other players ((can't remember who)) put up, and dissapates.

"OK," Andrew says firmly, without a stammer, stutter, or superfluous word.

[Grove]

Grove turns to Roane slightly dissapointed at Toivo's ((My god sorry for the wrongful spelling of your name for so long. I wish you had told me. lol)) lack of information. He turns to Roane, his expression softening.

"Well that was rather vague. It cannot be helped for the time I suppose. He and Swan seemed very rushed."

[Damien Fireheart]

Damien sees Toivo and Swan fly away, leaving only Grove and Roane at the treehouse.

This is it...

He turns his head slightly to Autumn and whispers.

"You ready?"

[Kaschei]

Kaschei heard the message from Violet and decides to contact Tsubaki. He is growing impatient, but since Andrew is usually so uncooperative, there is little use in capturing him. Still, as long as Tsubaki is there he should put her to good use.


There has been a change of plans. Instead of using Andrew, Red Infinity will use Iris to figure out how to use the kampa. Since you are there and we no longer need Andrew, take Toivo instead. I want to see how he likes his younger body and have him keep his end of the bargain that we made months ago.

[Zinn]

Zinn finishes binding a new copy of a book. She begins to pack her things, and decides to return to the location of the old anarchist base. Even if they aren't there anymore, there is probably a forwarded address or something.