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Post by Zinn on Dec 31, 2004 14:49:13 GMT -5
OK, there is a LOT of fixing that needs to be done here.
1) You must have an age, unless you can explain why your age is unknown.
2) Why are you a vampire cyborg? Explain that please.
3) Delete all superfluous info. Look at some of the other joins, and see how they were done.
4) You must have an occupation of some sort.
5) Assasinate is an autohit. Also, you can't kill other characters without consent. Please look at Void's power rules.
6) Please explain your personality in more detail. Dark does not cut it.
7) Please write a real bio, in complete sentences, preferably in paragraph form, that makes sense. Look at some of the other bios, and the way they were written.
8) Go read about anarchism. There are a bunch of links in the Anarchist thread of the political parties forum, for your convenience.
9) Where were you born? How did you become a vampire? How did you become a cyborg? Why is your name Carpe Mortum? How do you know the character Freak Boy? Why are you an anarchist? Why do you hate Red Infinity? What was your life like before you joined the rebels? Why did you decide to join the rebels?
10) Run a spell check.
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Post by Void on Dec 31, 2004 14:56:06 GMT -5
Zinn is correct with the powers, you may not have a power that automatically hits and player killing is strictly forbidden. If you still want a power in that particular vein, I suggest something along the lines of a power that gives you extremely good accuracy so that you seldom miss your mark.
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Post by CarpeMortem on Dec 31, 2004 15:07:18 GMT -5
thank you for teling me what needs to be done so quikly I will make the required changes
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Post by CarpeMortem on Dec 31, 2004 15:28:37 GMT -5
Name:Carpe Mortum
Age:24
Race: Vampire cyborg
Nationality: (optional)
Gender: male
Alignment: Trotsyist
Organization: Rebels
Occupation: (please add your occupation)
Weapon: High velocity Sniper rifle
Stats:
Intelligence-142
Strength-142
Charisma-142
Spirit-142
Defense-142
Endurance-148
Speed-142
Powers:
Scope- The ability to hit a target 95% of the time when using a firearm
Weakness: Light, silver weapons
Appearance: Tall, skinny, light skinned, dark hair, usually wears black
Personality: Carpe Mortem has a dark sense of humor and a disregard for human life
Story:
carpe mortums idle is bassarov and he beleives that the people need a revolution
red infinities inability to govern equally has driven him almost to the point of insanity due to his deep since of justice
born into a family of conceptual artists the name Carpe Mortum was hoisted upon him. after a nearly fatal attach by red infinity, in which his parents were killed, freak boy repairs him with spare hardware and thus ties with freakboy are created. after his role in the assassination of a red infinity spokes person he becomes a merc with the rebels.
to kill lady violet and to destroy red infintity
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Post by Zinn on Dec 31, 2004 15:33:27 GMT -5
I will assist in adjusting your format, if it's OK with you.
Then, we can talk about your bio.
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Post by CarpeMortem on Dec 31, 2004 15:35:33 GMT -5
yes please
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Post by Zinn on Dec 31, 2004 15:50:37 GMT -5
OK, now using the edit button, instead of reposting the entire thing, please change the following.
1) Add your occupation.
2) I think you should read up on Trotsyism. Trotsyists usually have a great regard for human life. They tend to stress equality and fairness. Your personality doesn't match the political philosophy.
3) I prefer that characters have nationalities. Adding one would be nice.
Now, for the bio. Please rewrite the whole thing. First, some pointers.
1) Always use complete sentences with proper capitalization.
2) Run a spell check by copying and pasting into Microsoft word, and then copy and paste the corrected version back.
I will finish later. I have to go.
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Post by Zinn on Dec 31, 2004 16:54:05 GMT -5
OK, I have said this a lot. Trotsyism, marxism, anarchism, and other anti-cap things are in conflict with being a mercinary. So is being an apathetic misanthrope. In order to be an idealist, one must have faith in humanity. That isn't to say that radicals often think that violence is an acceptable means to the end for a "greater good." It just means that being a merc is in direct conflict with the philosopy. The rebels do not hire, nor do they need, mercs. There are plenty of people who are rebels that follow the cause.
There are two options if you want to remain a merc.
1) Be a capitalist, and work for the FRA.
2) Be a Stalinist/Maoist, and work for the Bloody Violets.
I want a more indepth bio. How did you become a vampire? Why did your parents give you the name "Seize Death"? Where did you live? Why did you decide to help Freakboy?
Please put the answers in organized paragraph format, with full sentences.
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Post by Void on Dec 31, 2004 18:19:17 GMT -5
And a little advice for those new to this RP. Most combat is decidedly high-powered, guns tend to not cut it in most cases. Also, a high accuracy power, while effective, doesn't necessarily mean that someone cannot block the attack. You may want to consider proficiency with other weapons and taking more supernatural powers at a later date.
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