In the Wake of Devastation

[Daevid]

"I am just a wanderer, my home is the world. I am a poet and a philosopher, going from place to place, learning what I can and enjoying life. So that is what I do. And yourself? What do you do?"

[Fascia]

"I don't do much of anything right now. I am a mother, and that takes up time. I used to be very good at fighting, I would try to purge the world of filth, but now... now I don't do anything."

I kick at a clump of dirty snow. I feel so useless. It makes me a little angry. I want to be like I was. Full of fire and ambition. My hand brushes my thigh and feels where the sheath for my knife used to hang. It is gone, back at the apartment. I haven't worn it for awhile. I have gone soft! I grit my teeth. Is this what happens when one becomes a mother? No! I will not let it happen to me. I glare at the humans walking by.

[Daevid]

"To create and care for life is the greatest job at all. Do not feel ashamed. My poetry and music is lowly compared to the greatness of your life. Your life embodies the essense of creativity...to be a parent is the plymouth of creation."

Daeve smiles at her, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

[Kith]

"I am not leaving. My duty is to train you. I may no longer need to train you in fighting, but I still must train you in our ideologies. If you are to serve Red Infinity, you must adhere to our ideals. Follow me..."

++++++
She is so cruel to me. But I will not give up.

+++++++

We sit down in a library. I pull out various books and some note book paper. I still have a duty to show her our beliefs. And I will. I can teach her this...something Calithin can not.

+++++++

"What do you know about the history of Red Infinity and communism, Genovia?"

[Fascia]

His hand rests on my shoulder, but I do not notice it. I barely hear his words as I am caught up in my own bitter thoughts. I simply reply with a "Sure." and keep on walking.

We get to the store and head to the baby department. It is jammed with crying infants and mothers of all shapes and sizes. I quickly grab some diapers and head to the front. Everything else can wait. I do not wish to linger here. I pay at the register using some money I got from Moira. This makes me cringe again. I shouldn't have to rely on her. I am a strong and capable woman. I should be able to bring in my own income.

I leave the store in a worse mood than I went in. I am silent, not talking to the attractive elf, but not really realizing that he is there.

I love my son. I love him more than my own life, and would do anything for him, but I cannot live life this way! I cannot become just another mother, living at home and doing nothing. I will not fall into that. I am a strong elven woman! I am a fighter! I will not just dissappear and grow fat and tired, watching countless soap operas on television and complaining about an aching back and feet.

My pace quickens, and my steps become heavier as I walk briskly back to the apartment. I climb up the steps, Daevid still in tow, and enter. I set the diapers on the kitchen counter and enter my son's room to check on him. My Pira Sh'mai still sleeps soundly.

I go out and sit on the couch, my thoughts focused within.

[Daevid]

"Is there anything I can do to help you? You look exhausted."

Daeve stands near the kitchen awaiting some sort of order. Anything to help the weary woman.

"It would be no trouble, I swear."

[Fascia]

I look up at the light elf.

"You can stay here at watch my child. I have to go out. If Moira gives you any trouble, just tell her that I asked you to watch him. He shouldn't need feeding for awhile, but if h e does, there is breast milk in the fridge, and his diapers are on the counter. He rarely fusses, he won't be much trouble."

I stand up and walk into my room to grab something before going to the door. "Is that alright? I shouldn't be long."

Perhaps I shouldn't trust my child with a man that I just met, but he seems trustworthy and capable. Everything should be fine.

[Daevid]

"Oh...well..uh..sure, that is no trouble at all."

Daeve watches as Fascia leaves. He sits on the sofa reading a book, checking up on the infant every so often.

[Genovia]

"No Kith. I'm a stupid Ursarian. I don't know anything."

I throw the books across the room and bean a librarian in the head. I laugh wildly at myself.

"Oopps, sorry..couldn't help it. Uncivilized Ursarian behavior you know...."

[Kith]

I shake my head.

"Genovia, why do you have to be so impossible. You do not have to live up to a stereotype. Why can't you just be nice? Why.. Why did you sleep with that angel?"

++++++++

I shouldn't have asked that last question, I know that she will be angry. But I want to know. I need answers. Why does she desire to hurt me?

[Genovia]

"One: Since the first time that you met me you didn't treat me like an equal. You treated me like I was sub-human. So...I strive to live up to your expectations for me."

I kick my feet up on the table.

"Two: Being nice is over rated."

I cross my arms and smile.

"Three: Because I felt like it."

I look Kith directly in the eyes and laugh.

"Maybe I do like hurting you."

[Kith]

Her words hurt me, but I will remain calm. She just wants to get a rise out of me, and I will not let that happen.

+++++

I think about all of the time and energy that I have put into training her. I feel so much for her, and yet she seems to love to hurt me. She probably slept with that angel just to hurt me. She probably doesn't love him. She is incapable of love. Or perhaps I am just incapable of being loved.

+++++

I cannot control my emotions any longer. I want to remain calm, but instead my eyes start to well up. I turn away from her, I don't want her to see me cry. She would just see it as a weakness.

[Genovia]

Kith looks away from me. Is he crying? He better not be crying. D'amn.

"What's the problem Kith. Come on, don' cry now. Crying is for wusses. I never cry."

[Kith]

I turn to her, tears streaming down my face. I do not care if she sees. She already thinks of me as weak, this will change nothing.

++++++

I start yelling, not caring who overhears me,

"You never cry, Genovia, because you are incapable of feeling! You are a cruel, heartless woman! You will never know what it is to feel such love and loss. You will never truly love another. You cannot, you are too hardened and your heart is black. All you care about is power!"

+++++

I stand up and push my chair back, it hits the bookcase behind me, sending some books falling to the floor. I do not care. I am not usually so violent, but I feel so much inside of me. I walk out the door, leaving Genovia behind.

[Genovia]

I watch him leave. Just let him go. Don't care. You didn't do this. He does it to himself. No.

I stand up and walk after him.

"You are wrong about me Kith. I do care about people. I like Calithin. He challenges me. He was there when you weren't. He is smart, strong, and capable. And most of all, he accepts me for who I am...even if that is a heartless power hungry woman."

I fold my arms.

"And when you don't annoy me. I like you too."

I walk away. I should have kept my stupid mouth shut. Ah, i'll just go back to training. Forget that anything happened.